i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
