I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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