Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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