Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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