It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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