make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
