I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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