I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
