omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
