you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
