those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
