check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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