$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
