last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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