So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
