Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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