I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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