I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Everclear isn't food dammit
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
