I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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