is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
