There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
