i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
