i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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