suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There's always time for handjobs
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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