you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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