you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
