i jhust puked up my retainher.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
