I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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