What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
