thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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