Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
