All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
