my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
