I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
