Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
