I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
