Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
