Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
