singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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