I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
