There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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