Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
