Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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