Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
