I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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