he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Holy shit dude........stairs
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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