I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
