he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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