I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
