eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
