So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
