why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
