i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
